Thank You!

Thank you for kind messages and questions about how I am, I very much appreciate them all.

I really haven't been in a good place. My unhappiness at losing my job has been made worse by a lot of uncertainty about my future, I found being made redundant mirrored a lot of the unhappy feelings of rejection that caused me to overeat in the first place and sadly my eating has been dreadful as has the blow to my self esteem that I had thought was stronger.

I think, cautiously that things are looking up. I have been offered a temporary 12 month role at the airport and also offered a system where I will be considered before advert for any jobs that come up in the next 12 months to help me find a permanent job.

There has been a huge row between my current team and my new manager both wanting me to be in their department now ..my job claiming they cannot release me just yet and the new role demanding that they do and both refusing to budge. Being fought over has help restore self esteem as it negates the bad feelings of not being wanted that redundancy brings.

I had just got into a size 12 and a couple of months terribly off plan and I was back to a 16. Every night I would tell myself to stop this rot and get back and every day I didn't seem able to. However about 10 days ago I got back with my plans and already I can see the excess coming off again and I'm making progress back to where I used to be.

I feel better and happier about things but I realise this is still very fragile and I need to work hard, and focus. I have left the gym I am a member of as my new work hours don't suit getting to it and I have joined a gym next door to work and I'm going to replace running at lunchtime in my old job with going to the gym on the way into my new job. I'm regaining control and with it, self esteem. When things are going well you believe you are going to stay strong forever and it only takes a knock to realise how fragile but how precious this new life is.

I am not prepared to lose it and just have to keep on going until I'm back where I was. I need your help and support and very much appreciate it.

Xxx

Cry me a river

Bloggers who stop blogging, it's never good news is it?

I find my blog is such a happy place where I have catalogued a lot of happy changes.I love my happy blog and I'm proud of it

I have had a bit of a life disaster and I've cried, I've cried a river.

I was the person who out of all my family and friends I know loved their job the most. I so love what I do and where I work and the people I work with

I've been made redundant....and ooooh but it HURTS and I've cried for days

There are good things in that I'm facing new job and new work colleagues and I'm slimmer and more confident and I am OH SO glad I did this and I'm not going through all this and fat as well.

Its a bit like being dumped by a lover, its like being told you're no longer wanted and you don't feel the same.....you still love them and still want them, its just not reciprocated.

I AM a positive person and I'm in talks about another job and I'm hopeful of a future of sort

But for now, it is what it is....and I'm very sad. My emotional eating has caught up with me at times the last few weeks but I've kept up completely with my running so things are not too bad.

I don't think there is anything any of you can say to make it better. i can't remember a time I cried this much and for this long. I'm sure time will make things a lot better.

Food, earing and exercise choices

I have had a really steady couple of weeks. Insanity is over and after a few days rest, I missed it so I've started the 30 Day shred and I'm really enjoying it. Today I got to thinking about my old eating habits and my new ones. In the past I ate and ate and ate, I never really felt full, never satisfied. I didn't really enjoy the food I ate, I just pushed it in. I didn't have any self esteem, nor pride in myself. I was very unhappy. Food, eating and exercise choices made me really unhappy Now I eat a careful diet and a narrow range of foods I am often hungry but I really enjoy the taste of the food I do eat. I feel satisfied with my food choices, I know when I have eaten enough and I stop. I feel younger, and fitter and more attractive than I can ever remember feeling. I am happy, really happy. Food, eating and exercise choicex are making me really happy Why did I ever live like that? I chose it, I cannot blame anyone but myself however, I changed it and I can't give anyone else the credit for all those changes. Make those changes and get to the good place, you won't regret it. One day at a time, one day nearer where you want to be. Just keep moving in the right direction and you will get there

A non diet wow!

I watched this clip today...an English politician talks candidly about his impending death.

Not one word about his career, the material things he bought, just his thoughts and those he loves. When we strip our lives back to the most basic, this is what really matters isn't it.

Isn't it all too easy to get caught up chasing the things that don't really matter...possessions, work, material things and miss time with those we love.

This video gave me goosebumps! ( Do you have goosebumps in America? The sort of prickly, shivery skin sensation when you come across something profound?)

Chicago Man

I work at an airport and took a call today from a FedEx Pilot from Chicago and he had this lovely american accent and I could have talked to him all day!

I don't suppose he was tall, dark and hansdsome but a girl can dream. he SOUNDED gorgeous and we talked about America and UK

Its a very long time since a man made me blush and giggle and it felt rather nice.

I have promised Frank I shall try peanet butter and I will have to now although I don't think I will eat it with honey or spoon it straight out of the jar as he said he has done! Frank told me I have to have it on bread, not toast. I shall tell you all how I get on!

I think its the first time in oh such a long time that I spoke to someone where I felt attractive! Even on the phone, my new self confidence feels good, just to me it feels good

You just run!

I've been running for 6 weeks now.

Every shift at work I run 5k. I haven't ever missed a run on a work day.

I've gone from surviving it, to managing it, to enjoying it, to challenging myself to do better at it.

I work with all men and most are a lot younger than me and a lot fitter than me and a number of them have started running too! I get compliments on how I look these days but more for keeping going, running every day,

I'm not good at it, I'm never going to win prizes, I do it because I can and that feels so good after all those years of finding walking hard.

I'm never going back there....so I run.

Beyond my Wildest Dreams

I planned my dream size, my goal size based on the ambitious desire to be, again the size I was at age 19 when I went to university, a  UK size 14 ( US10) I was so very happy throughout my university years and photos of that age show me as a very slim young woman, I even thought such a size was a bit ambitious, but a size 14 seemed a tough, but attainable goal.

Last week I tried on a pair of  UK size 12 jeans and they were very nearly fitting me, just a little bit tight. I have just done 7 twelve hour shifts back to back at work and ran a 5k every day. Every day I thought I was running a little bit closer to that jeans size.


Today, I went out with my friend for coffee WEARING size 12 jeans and the sense of achievement is fantastic. I'm nearly 6 foot with a very big build and I am never going to be tiny sized but UK size 12 US(08) is just amazing to me

Goal size is going to be when these jeans are comfortably loose. Loose enough to ensure they are easy and comfortable to wear. I'm guessing not even as much as 7 pounds but I don't really know until I get there.

Honestly, today I actually know what it feels like to be beyond my wildest dreams, because that's where I am. Size 28 to Size 12 in 15 months and 4 days!